The Girl Spider Died And Isn't Here Anymore

In our home, we have photos of our grandparents who are no longer with us. On occasion, we have shown Julia these pictures so she understands that her nana, baba and gong gong also had moms and dads. We've tried to casually explain that they died and are not here with us anymore and she hasn't asked any further questions.

At school, with the kids who are already into superheroes, I think Julia has further picked up the words of kill and die and death. Not sure what she thinks it all means though.

When our fish died recently, I thought she might be ready to hear that it died. But when I told her, she asked me if it jumped out of its bowl and ran away. So I made the instant decision to back away from truth and replied yes, it went to visit its cousins.

During our recent vacation in Aruba, when Wayne or I would push the buttons on the safe and it would beep, she would yell at us, "If you push the buttons, you will die!"

A few days ago, Wayne and I looked at old photos with his parents while Julia was in the other room watching Little Einsteins. Occasionally we would show her a picture of Bertha's or Ed's parents and Bertha and Ed as children. We did not put it in any context of death or absence, but as we were getting ready to leave, she started singing a made up, repetitious song, "I don't know why you died, I don't know why you died."

Later that night, she drew a picture of a spider with 30-some legs and said, "This is a girl spider who died and isn't here anymore. Do you remember her? I miss her. . . . "

I responded, "But she had a happy life with friends and family. And they will always remember her." Some point later in the conversation, I mentioned that everyone dies.

Julia, with bright eyes and a wide smile, "But I'm not going to die."

Me: Oh really? (awkward parenting moment). Yes, you are going to live a very long happy life.

Julia: Baba's mom died and isn't here anymore.

Me: We're lucky she took care of Baba when he was a little boy. Baba is so happy his mommy loved him and Uncle Frankie and Aunt Rose.

* * *

Julia: Nana and Baba are not going to die. I need them to play with me.

Nana and Baba are active and healthy (thank goodness), but tears fill my eyes and I'm not sure if it's just me or pregnancy hormones. I can't say anything. I just smile and hug her.

I think I'll delay our plan to start celebrating the Chinese New Year tradition of paying homage to one's ancestors with a "mini-shrine" of pictures, food and incense. I'm not prepared for the sudden increase in the degree of difficulty of Julia's questions.